The Electoral Matrix

Honestly, I must move on from politics soon and get on with matters more aesthetic and sublime – we’ve all got the Guardian, Times, BBC News, etc covering this election anyway.

But I want to make one vaguely aesthetic or cultural point about this election’s media coverage, and to make this point I shall marshall two pieces of evidence:

1) The BBC’s coverage of the election in general; and

2) Derek Jackson from Land is Power, the so-called Landless Peasant party, who has already become a facebook hit since holding a Black Land is Power Salute behind Gordon Brown during the PM’s entire Kirkaldy and Cowdenbeath election victory speech.

As my friend Gareth observed during our election extravaganza last night, don’t you think there’s something seriously Matrix-esque about both features?

We spent all night watching Beeb presenters walking through virtual Commons, virtual Number 10s, floating over electronic UKs.  And then we have Derek, resolutely sporting his “peasant” look with a pair of indoor shades and a carefully sculpted goatee.  Is he supposed to be some sort of activist Agent Smith?  Look at him there!

The Obama Westminster Election Drink Off

Between the Scottish National Party‘s minimum pricing and Labour’s possibly more canny/sleazy, but now dropped tax plans for strong, cheap booze, alcohol policy has been bandied about a lot recently.  While this area will not match in prominance economic and military issues in the upcoming Westminster elections, the debate will surely continue nevertheless.

So to celebrate the ongoing Cameron/Brown rivalry (with a bit of Salmond and Clegg thrown in), I give you the Election Drink Off!!

The game

The rules are simple and flexible.  Teams are formed and each must represent a political party.  The easiest choice is to have three teams: Labour, Conservative and Lib Dems.  Maybe for Scotland you could do SNP, Labour and Lib Dems, it’s up to you, but a good choice depends on the next feature of the game.  

You must choose a medium through which all parties will represent themselves in real time – the obvious choice is the leaders’ TV Debate on this Thursday, 15th April.  Offcom and the Electoral Commission will ensure that the game is fair: political parties will be allowed equal exposure time.  A referee is required.

And now the twist: once you have your disgusting, strong beverage of choice laid out for armageddon/the debate, all teams will listen attentively for political utterances plucked from the vine of Obama spin!  So, for example, drink when you hear any of the following:

change, hope, audacity, audicious.

This blog strongly recommends that your own, no-rules political debate be held in the immediate aftermath of the drinking.  The best bit about the game is that whoever is on David Cameron’s team will end up sh*t faced.

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