Preparations for a Stag Weekend

Food and Drink,Main Posts — Tags: , , , — comelybankingcrisis @ 3:40 pm

As you can likely gather from the title of this post, I’m going on a stag weekend, this weekend.  And this male bonding vomit-fest is to take place in none other than the capital of capitals of stags, Newcastle upon Tyne.  I’ve been on a stag weekend before and as a result I’ll be making certain preparations, some of which were hard-learned indeed.  So I thought that considering I have some wisdom to empart, I may as well do this on a public forum so that others can gain some inights and (hopefully) add to our collective treasure chest of recovery tinctures, hard liquor avoidance ideas, and didactic anecdotes.  You don’t have to do these things but this is what I’m doing.  In no particular order:

1.  Keep it a TOTAL SECRET that you are BLOGGING about said stag!  I don’t usually believe in unwritten rules.  If a rule is useful enough to be a rule it should be out in the open – ‘Written’ as Omar Sharif would say to Peter O’Toole.  But this may be an exception; it may be reasonable to suppose that blogging on a public forum about the goings on at a stag do is the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL of the stag and hence the contravention of an unwritten rule.  Keep your blog as secret as your hidden camera!

2. Don’t bother chatting to the ladies.  Stag parties are attractive to the wrong kind of girl.  For Ms Right, terrible turn-off!

3. Bring pajama bottoms with pockets.  This is a somewhat girlie pointer but I’ll be bringing a pair of pajama bottoms with me, with pockets which will have strong pain killers ready and waiting within.  This effeminate strategy is a small price to pay for the subsequent satisfaction of scoffing at those of the party who have difficulty holding down their greasy breakfast.  You get to seem macho in the long-run, or just have a clear head (the latter being my priority).

4. Following on from the last point, bring pain killers and leave a bottle of nice water by your bed.  Obvious stuff but it doesn’t hurt to repeat wisdom.

5. When you pack spare clothing, this is your second outfit.  Now choose your spare outfit.  You wouldn’t believe the amount of things that can disrupt the normal lifecycle of a wardrobe in this environment.

6. Don’t share a room with the most fun person.  This might seem like a great idea at first, but when you wake up in the morning the sound of their voice will make you want to vomit.

7. Double your budget.  If you can’t do this, don’t go!

8. Make an agreement with your partner that you won’t be texting or phoning each other.   Really, there’s no need.  They don’t want to know, you don’t want to tell them, and you’re just making yourself a target for mockery.

9. Don’t hang around needlessly on the last day.  Being there will make you want to vomit.  Being at home will be paradise.

10. Bring a brick wall, against which you may choose to beat your head.  This may make it easier.

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